Journalist & Political Activist Reham Khan Discusses the Plight of Women & Children Around the World
Journalist & Political Activist Reham Khan Discusses the Plight of Women & Children Around the World
The Former Wife of the Prime Minister of Pakistan Shares Perspectives on Families, Patriarchy & Her Concern for the Afghan People
Jordan Schaul | Scapegoat Strength | Reham Khan Foundation | Jan 31, 2022
Child abuse is often associated with physical violence, yet many children severely harmed by domestic abusers have never been physically injured or sexually assaulted. Victims of non-physical abuse bear the invisible scars of emotional, psychological, and economic ill-treatment from neglect and exploitation that can be far more detrimental to a child than physical injury.
Another misconception is that broken homes — those that have been physically severed by divorce and where co-parenting occurs in separate households — are inherently dysfunctional. The United Nations defines emotional abuse as behavior that undermines another person’s sense of self-worth.
Dysfunctional families inadvertently stunt emotional development, diminishing the potential of children to become well-adjusted adults. All that a child really needs is one nurturing and emotionally healthy parent to develop the self-esteem and confidence for a successful life. In fact, one parent can overcompensate for another afflicted by narcissistic tendencies or substance abuse, which are two common features of parents in dysfunctional families.
Unlike physical abuse signs of emotional abuse hide in plain sight. From the outside looking in, dysfunctional parenting can present like model parenting. But it is often a facade as emotionally challenged parents may strive to put image and reputation before anything else. Behind closed doors, their kids may be deeply troubled by invisible wounds.
Some dysfunctional households are dominated by narcissistic or alcoholic parents, and others are simply due to the emotional inadequacies of parents who themselves may have been affected by generational trauma. Sadly, a great many people who grew up under one roof with married parents consider themselves to have been the product of failed environments.
Our childhood experiences typically dictate how willingly or begrudgingly we approach opportunities to mingle with loved ones. According to the 2016 US Census Bureau, nearly 70 percent of children under the age of 18 live with two parents. Sixty years ago, the percentage of intact families with two parents under one roof was closer to 90 percent.
Following a conversation with the British-Pakistani journalist and former wife of the Prime Minister of Pakistan Reham Khan, I decided to explore the popularized notion that a two-parent home is a better home. A victim of domestic abuse herself, the journalist turned activist launched the Reham Khan Foundation to “protect the rights of women and children across the world.” She is an ardent spokesperson and ambassador for marginalized communities and demographics across cultures
Interview:
Jordan: I noticed you are a very active listener, which explains your empathy. This trait can be rare in public figures. Have you always been sensitive to the struggles of others?
Reham: Ever since I was a child, I have been fascinated by the voices & stories of other people. My family tells me that my mimicry skills go back to when I was as young as 3 years old. This interest in people-watching is very much alive to this day. I view humans as an interesting species & observe behaviors objectively. Now that I have a restricted lifestyle because of being recognized, the social audio app Clubhouse has become a great platform for me to share and learn. Voice & speech is extremely important for me to understand people. I listen keenly to things people do not say & yes, I believe active listening is the only way to cultivate meaningful interactions. Most people, especially new journalists, are not listening but thinking of the next question on their list. Voice enunciation can reveal a lot about a subject. I guess you could say I’m the Richard Attenborough of humans.
Jordan: You and I have talked about families and generational trauma as well as cultural implications of patriarchy and other societal issues that transcend borders and cultures. Why is this so important for the world to appreciate?
Reham: I feel strongly that parenting, which ensures a secure and loving childhood is a key to a well-functioning society. If you look around the globe you can see brash loud, sexist, racist & callous men in media & the corridors of power. If you trace their backgrounds you will find a lack of parental attention & guidance in formative years or turbulent households. I am passionate about protecting children from all forms of abuse.
While abuse towards the females in most patriarchal cultures might be overt, for male children it’s usually covert. A male child is often spoken to in a different more stern tone & hugs are withheld in an effort to make him tougher. Young men are not allowed to exhibit sorrow or shed tears. They are clearly told that they must bring trophies home to be worthy of love. Most men grow up with huge insecurities & the yearning for a parent’s approval. This drives them to be more aggressive at work & ignore personal happiness. With sadness, I view grown-up men who don’t know how to love because they have not been treated with tenderness as children. It is a vicious cycle that society cannot snap out of that easily.
Most men grow up with huge insecurities & the yearning for a parent’s approval. This drives them to be more aggressive at work & ignore personal happiness.
With sadness, I view grown-up men who don’t know how to love because they have not been treated with tenderness as children. It is a vicious cycle that society cannot snap out of that easily.
Jordan: In light of this, the Reham Khan Foundation's mission is to protect women and children all over the world. What are some of the commonalities across cultures and dissimilarities regarding domestic exploitation and abuse that are most poignant and pressing or at least concerning to you?
Reham: The most common problem across cultures remains the lack of a listening ear & the “right to be believed” when a victim complains of abuse. The victim is ashamed & afraid of reporting for fear of dishonor & repercussions while the perpetrators know no fear of penalties. For Muslim & Jewish cultures that are deeply tied to family values & societal pressures, this is even harder. Whatever I do wherever I do, my life mission is to raise my voice for those who have no one to protect them. The foundation’s strategy is a three-pronged approach which we call A.I.M.
A for “advocacy”: Child protection remains a central theme in my public appearances & personal encounters and of course in the scripts I produce. My first feature film “ Janaan “is a rom-com, but the core issues addressed are pedophilia, adoption & education.
I stands for “implementation” of existing laws & lobbying for new better laws
M is for “management”: I design model projects which take children off the street & into schools & foster care. In 2015 I designed the “Zamong Kor” (Our home) project which was to house nearly a thousand children & provide them education. Currently, under RKF we are running three computer labs in different remote areas of KP.
Jordan: With recent events in Afghanistan, you have launched an effort to recruit international aid to help a struggling populace.
Reham: In the words of the United Nations Secretary-General Antonio Guterres
Afghanistan is “hanging by a thread”. Urgent aid is needed as millions suffer extreme hunger & medical facilities are overburdened. The state assets have been frozen since the Taliban takeover.
I’ve made an urgent appeal to all our political leadership & the government to bury their differences & to support humanitarian efforts to help the Afghan people who are facing a harsh winter & much hardship.
I’ve made an urgent appeal to all our political leadership & the government to bury their differences & to support humanitarian efforts to help the Afghan people who are facing a harsh winter & much hardship.
I want to bring the international community together in an effort to help Afghanistan. We want to provide blankets, milk, fortified energy biscuits & medicines for the Afghan people. We cannot continue to punish the people because of our political differences. Pakistan has always stepped up to accommodate refugees from Afghanistan & our own medical facilities in Khyber Pukhtunkhwa are routinely full of patients from neighboring Afghanistan. This is the time for Pakistan to lead the relief effort. Given our long porous borders & our historical ties, it’s easiest & most natural for us to be of help. For many of us, we are related by blood to those across the border. It is unforgivable not to think of our brethren in these times.
References:
https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse
https://www.alliancemagazine.org/blog/reham-khan-launches-foundation-in-the-uk/